Inspired by Franz Ferdinand (the band, dummy!)

this post has been updated

I love the bit in their song 'Matinee' where he talks about 'all the things I hate' and the girl he fancies replies with some things she'd like 'and how she'd have a happy life, if she had the things she'd like...' So here are a few of mine

(Some of) The things I hate:

1. 'My Way' by Frank Sinatra (or anyone else for that matter, but most especially Sinatra)

It is a grand piece of self-justification and indulgence, embracing a sentiment of pure selfishness that I loathe. Sid Viscious had it right with his version - all vitriol and ego - the only recording worth listening to!

2. Clearing up pieces of mice, voles or birds in our lean-to, or off the lawn.

Cats don't like to eat ears or intestines it seems. Not so fussy about eating their own or each others' vomit, though.

3. Being tickled.

I'm only ticklish in a couple of places but if you get me there, I am completely helpless. It's like torture, I cannot stand the sensation.

4. Birthdays.

Actually, I completely love other peoples' birthdays, I just hate my own. It might come as a surprise to some people, but I actually hate being the centre of attention like that. Also, they come around WAY too often.

5. Being late for Pre-School.

When Elodie is sick in her bed, but you don't find out until the morning, when she's woken up late, it makes getting to pre-school on time really difficult. Ditto when she fills her nappy with an UNRIGHTEOUS deposit, just as you were walking out the door. Or when she has a tantrum about getting in her buggy for five minutes. Or when Caleb howls EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, or stays rooted to the spot and requires dragging with one hand while you push the buggy one-handed, or decides he needs to 'try' on the potty for ten minutes when you should already have left the house. Or when the phone rings as you were getting ready to go out, or it's pouring with rain/ windy enough to knock down trees, or someone oversleeps, or you were so engrossed with going through your bank statements you lost track of time (it's happened!) or you didn't sleep much the night before, or you feel unwell, or there were strops over which coat to wear, or, or, or....

6. Not being able to drive.

Kind of ties in with the last one! Taking the bus with two infants - on a route without buggy-friendly buses - is just too stressful, I only did it to Oxford once with both of them and have sworn off it for a very long time, might think about braving it as far as Witney soon (but no museum with Dinosaur bones there!) Ordering from catalogues is very hit-and-miss, and means numerous trips to the Post Office to return everything! I genuinely miss grocery shopping in an actual shop. I can't take the kids to 'pop in' and see their Grandparents, or Joy & Elias. I'd love to go to Henley and see Alana of an evening, or visit Susan and Paul when they're at Sue's parents. The logistics of spending some time with Nikki or Abi sans kids is just too prohibitive. And walking in the rain is rarely romantic.

7. Robbie Williams

Obviously, I don't actually hate him as a person, because I don't actually know him and that would be grossly unfair (not to mention deeply unChristian!) but his public persona is incredibly off-putting to me. I cannot stand watching his swagger, the way he pursues- ramps up- audience adoration, that smug facial expression as he performs (on or off stage, it's all the same by the look of it) or having to listen to his bland singing voice, with its faux-american accent. He's apparantly a very insecure man who doesn't believe he has enough talent to warrant his success and celebrity, well, I agree with him. If that sounds harsh, I'm sorry, but he hasn't exactly said 'My albums are rubbish, I shouldn't take your money' has he? I find it hard to be sympathetic for someone who moans that they can't 'handle' their fame when they're so happy to be idolized!

8. Several movies that I feel have stolen part of my life by my watching them.

• Deconstructing Harry. Self-indulgent, sex-obsessed and devoid of humour. Woody Allen at his very worst. A movie where pet hate Robin Williams is the best thing? That's got to be bad.
• Titantic. Not everything about this film is terrible, admittedly, but any movie where you feel all the main characters were superflous has to be getting something very wrong.
• Kingdom of Heaven. Lots of people said and did lots of stuff, but not a single person in this movie has a character! Normally there's plenty to look at in a Ridley Scott film, even if the action's bad, but even his direction lacks flair.
• La Vie Revee des Anges. I hate coming off like a teenager, but the only word for this film is boring. Couldn't even sit through it till the end, I could feel my life ticking away.
• Casablanca. I feel really guilty about this one because it's like the best-loved movie of all time, but I failed to get its charm. Simon is convinced I do this on purpose with films that 'everyone' else rates but, honestly, I can't find a good thing to say about it.

9. Being ill.

Despite being a pretty sickly kid, and 16 (combined) months of Morning sickness, I haven't mastered being sick gracefully! I am still completely miserable and pathetic when I'm unwell. Avoid me if at all possible.

10. Maths

This is one of those things that I hate because I don't understand it. Really mature Heidi.

11. Being a perfectionist

If I can't do something perfectly first time, I have failed. This means I can't start or try anything new, and that I'm stuck being rubbish at things, because I find the process of getting better at them too damn painful. I think this is one of my problems with Driving -I'm too busy beating myself up about mistakes to be learning anything. Mum said to me the other day that my standards for myself were unrealistically high, and it's rotten when someone says something so right to you!

12. My Phobias

They're not the exotic kind like being terrified of cotton wool, or bunnies, or baloons, or spoons. I don't like being such a cliche, but I can't help the terror that overcomes me when I am confronted with injections, or moths. I become a shreiking harriden in the presence of either! I can't be in the same room as a moth - I struggle being in the same garden as one - and am scarred by once having to endure a bus-ride with a moth, a fellow phobic, and her unsympathetic boyfriend for company (cue much squealing and stamping on their parts, I was rendered motionless and mute - as scared of them as our winged adversary)

(Some of) The things I like

1. Sleeping.

I especially like whole, unbroken, nights of sleep.

2. Ikea.

This one's already obvious to most people who know me, or read the blog. But it's not just the style or the affordability; when you can't drive, catalogues and extensive web-sites are a God-send, and having so much under one roof means we don't have to trawl the shops on our occasional free saturdays - we can always find something we both agree on there, and we can generally get lots accomplished in one hit. Also:

3. Swedish Meatballs.

We buy the meatballs - and sachets of sauce mix, and lingonberry jam - so we don't have to wait til our next trip to Ikea to have them. They're great with chips and pickled red cabbage, real comfort food. Yummy!

4. Lost, the game

This is soooo complicated, involved, and time-consuming that we've only played it twice so far(actually that's pretty good-going for us, that means we've spent two whole evenings together since Christmas, which is when we were given it.) But it's fascinating. A bit like Monopoly, only more unpredictable, and with reminders of things that have happened in the series!

5. Being completely obsessed with a series and watching a boxset compulsively until it's finished.

Because Freeview and the Terrestrial channels are so rubbish at holding on to the best programmes, we've found ourselves getting into a series, then not being able to watch it when it switches to Sky. The plus side of this is those delirious few weeks after you buy/borrow the boxset of the latest series and cram as many episodes into your free time as possible. This Christmas we didn't get in any of our traditional Christmas viewing because we were obsessively watching 24 series 5. Not especially festive while you're wrapping/ filling stockings/ peeling parsnips/ putting up decorations etc., but riveting stuff! (Looking forward to doing this with Lost from now on).

6. Ben & Jerry's ice-cream

When Nikki returned from a six-month stay in North Carolina, she brought back a taste for these wierdly-flavoured and mysteriously-named ice-creams that you couldn't buy over here. (This was 11 years ago!) That is, until we discovered them in an obscure paper shop on the Cowley Road. This exclusivity only added to the pleasure, and I distinctly remember a time, with Anni, scooping straight from the carton with our thumbs, despite temperatures close to freezing, just to finish the tub before we would have to share it with anyone else!

All-time Favourites: Cherry Garcia, and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

Latest obsession: Fair Trade Vanilla

Haven't tasted for too long: Chubby Hubby

7. Choosing to stay awake into the small hours, in the company of friends

We're often awake after midnight and later, just trying to get the boring stuff done. Enjoying good company, good memories and good laughs for half the night, even when you're dog-tired - it's a pleasure that can't be beaten.

8. Staying in the shower until the hot water runs out

Then I know I'm really clean.

9. Going to the theatre

It was something I really missed when we were broke newly-weds. I'd jumped at every opportunity to go during my childhood and teens: English trips, Theatre Studies trips, Music trips, with Stage School, with my Grandparents, with Annaly, for birthday treats.... I saw musicals, ballets, opera (only once, and never again, I'm afraid!) dance troupes, Panto (not a fan though) Shakespeare, Chekov, Ibsen, brand-spanking new stuff (like the brilliant 'Art'), Comedy acts from Edinburgh, Christian drama troupes, you name it, I'd try it...

The last few years we've been for my birthday, and it's wonderful to be doing it again - it's like having a bit of me back again.

10. France

Mark says he feels 'at home' when he's there, and though I don't have anything like the linguistic experience he has, or the personal connection, I understand what he means. I haven't had the opportunity to travel, so I can't compare it to other cultures or countries except my own, but I know that the French are 100% French and no-one else! I haven't learnt, or really heard, any other languages apart from French, but I feel an affinity with the tongue - it might not always make sense to me on a purely grammatical level, but it has the quality of a warm blanket - if I wrap my self in it, I will feel comforted by the familiar, not isolated by what I can't understand. I love the way they talk with their hands, too, (obviously, I fit right in!) with a whole language of gestures alone. In a 'time is money' world I love that their emphasis, not merely on food & wine themselves, but actually more on the enjoying and sharing of mealtimes, has remained intact.

11. Laughing

It's a cliche (damn, where is that accent?) but there's nothing like it. This is especially true when we've had a stinker of a day involving lots of yelling and screaming (mostly from me) rounded off with a battle with Caleb over dinner. Sometimes on days like that we find ourselves sponaneously involved in this peculiarly cathartic family playtime before the kids get in the bath. We all get tickled and chased and cuddled a lot, but above all we laugh, and it feels great!

12. Obviously this isn't definitively - or even literally - true, but here are some things I'd like for that 'happy life' she sings about!

• To travel more - there are so many places, people and things, to see and experience
• More time with Mark. The occasional night out would be nice, too
• I'd like my old body back! (circa 1999)
• More hours in the day
• More friends. I read that someone or other had researched and come up with the optimum number of friends an individual should have, I'm sure I'm not there yet
• To get better at this parenting thing, and turn out two relatively un-screwed-up adults
• To find 'my' artistic gifting, it has to be a medium I haven't tried yet!
• Clothes shopping to be easier. Come on, I'm not freakishly configured - why does nothing ever fit?!
• To go to the odd gig again. Maybe even (guilty pleasure alert!) see Bon Jovi one time. I'd love to go to one of those massive Christian music festivals in America or Holland, though most of my favourite CCM bands are throwing in the towel (blubber, feeling old!)
• More time to read - and the odd book recommendation / lend would go down well, don't know what I want to read half the time, these days.

Am resisting the temptation to add things like having the lean-to replaced, the kitchen floor re-done, the chimney properly sealed, our the house re-wired etc., since Mark already left such a sweet comment, and that would ruin it. Damn. Sorry love xxx

It's funny because it's true...

My very own hubbie drew my attention to this one. Which is funny if you think about it, coz it means I get to laugh at his expense.

6 Weird things about Heidi

Tagged by Sarah

THE RULES
Each player of this game starts with the ’six weird things about you’ blog post. People who get tagged need to write their own six weird things post and state the rules clearly. At the end of the post tag six more people and don’t forget to leave a comment on their blog to tell them they have been tagged and tell them to read your blog.

The problem is, they're not WEIRD to you - just everyone else - so it's not all that easy to just pluck these things out of one' s Psyche, but here goes...

1) I have a whole range of food issues: I don't like to eat hot and cold food from the same plate (e.g. salad cannot be on the same plate as a baked potato, because it instantly becomes all warm and soggy.) I think it's disgusting to eat cold 'salads' of things that should be hot - I mean things like Rice/pasta/potato salad, that most people think are nice. Bleurgh. More weirdly, I also can't eat two different foods on the same forkful- if they've been cooked separately, I have to chew them separately (e.g. NEVER put meat and vegetables in my mouth at the same time, or even two kinds of vegetables.) Having said that, cheese and pineapple together are yummy, and certain colour combinations of Fruit Pastilles work well...

2) I can sleep for twelve solid hours, and still need someone to wake me up. I am oblivious to planes, the phone, the hoover, crying babies - mine or anyone elses- and can ignore being coaxed, jumped on by kids, and having cats coming and falling asleep on me.

3) I have a weak spot for the monstrous Dame Shirley Bassey- she's a lunatic who truly gurns when she performs, but, boy can she sing!

4) I can't get into an unmade bed, so even if it has been accidentally left in a mess all day, I will re-arrange the pillows, make the bed, even up the corners, then pull back the duvet to get in! I also have to sleep with my back to the door. I think it's a hangover from childhood - I just don't want to know what the boogeyman looks like, or at least, I don't want to see it coming!

5) I love the smell of DIY stores. Mmmm, sawdust...

6) As a child I suffered from a wierd OCD disorder called Trichotillomania - I pulled my hair out. That's clinically weird. Beat that.


Tagging:
Alana - coz she's more overdue a post than I was
Nikki - coz she'll probably add a few to mine!
Mim - coz she might do it if she's tagged enough
Esther - in the hope that she might break her blog silence
Mark, so I can point and laugh

No-one else to tag, which probably means I'm breaking the rules, but what the hey!